Rain Drops, Like Thoughts
Rain Drops Keep Falling...
4 Steps to Halt Brain chatter
Researchers say we have anywhere from 50,000-80,000 thoughts per day. They also say that 95% of thoughts are repetitive (Groundhog Day, after day, after day, after day…) and unfortunately 80% of our thoughts are negative.
Sometimes rain, like thoughts, is just a few drops and then stops. We barely even register that it rained at all. Other times, drops can combine to create a drizzle, but a drizzle doesn’t really interfere much.
If enough drops combine however, they can become a steady stream that can turn into swift moving rivers carrying us away or even major floods in which we can drown.
“Oh! Did you feel that?” asked my daughter. “I just felt a rain drop,” she said gleefully. Luckily, both her and her brother’s soccer games were already over and we were heading off the field to our car. Not so lucky was that we had plans to attend two events that evening and night driving in the rain is not one of my strengths.
By the time we made it to the party at a trampoline park in Buena Park that evening, what had begun with one little drop of rain was now a steady drizzle. Though it was kind of a nuisance, it wasn’t enough to create much of an impact or even to require the need of an umbrella, but I grabbed one to bring with us just in case.
When we left the party and needed to traverse the 5-minute walk back to our car, I was very happy I’d brought and carried that umbrella around with me the whole time. Pulling my car keys from my jacket pocket, I urged my kids to huddle with me under the umbrella as we scrambled to our car. Unlocking the doors as we approached, we all jumped in, trying to stay as dry as possible. It was no longer just a drizzle. It was coming down pretty hard.
Driving in pouring rain and lightening towards our friend’s home for the next planned event of the evening, we passed Knott’s Scary Farm and the extremely long line of cars backed onto the main street. They were all waiting to enter one of the parking lots for what I’m sure they had planned would be a fun-filled night of Knott’s Scary Farm’s annual thrills and chills. Having experienced the fun event in the past myself, I thought, “Wow! That’s going to be rough in the rain.” What had begun with one drop of rain had now turned into a deluge.
For us, what had been planned for weeks to be an outdoor movie viewing of Hocus Pocus 2 while night swimming (yes, feeling extremely blessed to have mostly mild, autumnal Southern California nights here), ended up becoming an indoor movie viewing while decorating Halloween sugar cookies. And we still had so much fun!
The rain was not predicted. There wasn’t anything we, or the people who had already paid the high price of admission for Knott’s Scary Farm, could do to stop it. But, we each had a choice. Did we allow it ruin our night? To stop us from attending our fun planned events? To make us feel frustrated or upset? Or, did we simply allow it to be, not trying to control it, recognizing that the only thing we could control was our experience with it, and then choose accordingly?
As I reflected on the rain and the events of the night, and how just one little drop of rain can turn into so much more, I realized that a drop of rain is just like a thought.
Just as the rain begins with one drop, our thoughts come one at a time. And just as we can’t control the rain that comes, neither can we control the thoughts that come.
Also, just as one thought or even a few similar thoughts don’t often interfere much, when we allow our thoughts to keep collecting along the same vein, especially if they are negative, that’s when they can become a problem – whether it’s not being able to shut off the brain chatter and get some sleep, not being able to calm ourselves so that we respond rather than react, or not being able to bounce back quickly from setbacks or difficult challenges.
The great news is that even if we have allowed our thoughts to carry us away in the past, to interfere with our wellbeing or relationships, or to stop us from being our best selves and performing at our highest levels, we don’t have to allow them to keep doing that.
“But how?” you might be asking. Well, we train our brains.
As a brain trainer, in addition to many other great tools that I share with my clients, something my clients and I have found to be very helpful is the “R.A.I.N.” technique.
The 4 Steps of the R.A.I.N. technique and strategy are:
R = Recognize the thought or feeling (mental and/or physical). Actively acknowledge the thoughts, feelings and behaviors that are affecting you. Truly recognizing what is going on with you can raise your awareness so that you realize what you’re actually experiencing (discontent, stress, suffering, etc.) and that it is simply that. An experience. There’s a phrase, “Name it to tame it.” As we name what we are experiencing, the power it has over us diminishes.
A = Allow it to be there. Don’t try to push it away or judge it. Just accept it. As Tara Brach says, it’s simply “a mental naming of what is going on.” Pause, having the intention to relax any resistance to the experience. Let your thoughts, emotions and feelings just be what they are without pushing anything away. Viktor Frankl said, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom“. Allowing is choosing to pause, breathe and relax in the presence of what is difficult rather than reacting to it. Incidentally, doing this can activate the parts of our brains that will most help us to best deal with any difficult situation or circumstance with creativity, insight, inspiration, emotional regulation, response flexibility, etc.
I = Inquire with compassionate curiosity for ourselves. Simply notice how you are feeling or reacting to a stimulus or trigger without blame, shame or guilt. Ask yourself questions and investigate without judgment. For feelings, you can ask: “What does it feel like?”, “How is my body reacting?”, “How are these feelings affecting my thoughts?”, and “What thoughts are contributing to me feeling this way?” If it’s a thought, you can ask yourself two questions: 1) Is the thought accurate, 100% of the time? 2) Is the thought helpful? If it’s not accurate and/or helpful, choose to change it. NOTE: Remember not to sink into obsessive thinking about this. It’s about just recognizing it’s there, allowing it by not trying to push it away, investigating it a little with curiosity and compassion rather than judgment, and then allowing it to move on. Which brings us to our final step.
N= Non-attachment can mean two things. One meaning is to not get attached to the experience and process by becoming “caught up” in it or sinking into obsessive thinking or feeling about it. It means to experience it like watching a cloud in the sky appear. Allowing it to be there, not trying to control it in any way. Noticing and investigating its shape, how you feel looking at it, etc. Then, simply allowing it to move on just as you would the clouds in the sky as you choose to rest and relax.
Another meaning for non-attachment is to recognize that this thought or feeling may be a part of you, but it is not you. Instead of attaching it to your identity and who you are, choose to instead nurture this part of you. Try to sense what that wounded, frightened or hurting place inside you most needs, and then offer some caring gesture or act that might address this need. Might it need a message of reassurance? Of compassion? Of forgiveness? Of love? Offer that kindness and then let it pass.
Get your downloadable one-page RAIN technique and strategy guide.
Even if we don’t really have 50,000-80,000 thoughts per day, but only 6,000 as other researchers say, that’s still a lot. And, if we know that our thoughts and feelings combine to influence the types of actions we do or don’t take which then impact the types of experiences we do or don’t get to have, wouldn’t it make sense to train our brains for happiness and success rather than defeat? Especially if we know that 95% of our thoughts are repetitive and that for most of us, 80% of our thoughts are actually negative and non-serving?
If you’re interested in learning what you can do to master your mind to master your life, check out my 8-Week Mental Fitness Bootcamp to see if it might be right for you.
Because, just as rain begins with just one drop of water, what you experience can begin with just one little thought. Get those drops of water and thoughts to flow for you rather than against you.
Comment and share. What have you noticed for yourself? Are there certain times that your rain drops are just a drizzle, become a steady stream that carries you away, or a flood in which you struggle to escape?
